Warning Labels: Let's Hear Your Story

2005-06-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

If you have a horror story to tell of a relationship gone sour, please read on.

Like many young people today, I have spent my 20s dating and engaging in bad, dead-end relationships. It has been draining in terms of time, energy and money and has certainly taken its emotional toll. Only later did I realize that on each and every occasion these melodramas could have been avoided if only I were wise enough to pay attention to the Warning Labels.

I have come to theorize that each prospective partner is quite honest about what is wrong with them and, even more astonishingly, they tell you right away. It is this initial utterance, which often comes as early as the first date, that I refer to as the Warning Label.

Warning Labels come in all shapes and sizes and vary from "Procede with Caution" to "Run for the Hills" . Unfortunately, I have encountered more of the "Run for the Hills" variety, and still I didn’t pay attention.

For example, my first serious relationship, at age 19, was with Fred. Fred was the local graphic designer/artist/oddball in the small town where I grew up who ran a sign painting shop. I had admired him from afar for a number of years before we finally met - he was my "Sign Guy". He was like a small-town Andy Warhol and seemed like a pretty cool guy who was way out of bounds in my tiny straight-laced community.

On our first date, we really clicked and talked about anything and everything. Then he said, and I don’t remember the context, but I do remember his exact words, "Did you see the movie Mr. Jones? Well that’s me." I’m not even sure why, but to this day that line remains indelibly etched in my mind. Honestly, at that moment, I didn’t even give it much thought. I didn't heed the warning, and, in fact, I found it cute and kind of charming! Remember that I was a teenager back then.

For those of you who haven’t seen the film, Mr. Jones tells the story of a troubled, yet very charming man with Manic Depressive Illness. But I had seen the film - and still, I found his self-description cute and charming.

As it turned out, Fred and I moved in together, and although he did not meet the clinical criteria for Manic Depression, he certainly was a little off-kilter and was prone to fits of rage, mood swings, temper tantrums, and inappropriate behaviour (like exposing himself at parties, and recounting homoerotic experience to members of my family in great detail - my mom really didn’t need to hear about the blow job he got while hitchhiking!) My very own Mr. Jones! I rode that roller coaster for a number of years before I finally cashed in my season’s pass.

Not to say that my time with Fred was all bad…it certainly was a valuable learning experience – at a great price. In fact, years later, Fred and I are still in touch, and when I asked him how he felt about being included in my book on Warning Labels, he made me promise to describe him as the best of the worst…so that’s Fred, the Best of the Worst!

Through discussing the "Warning Labels" phenomenon with friends, I realized that I was not alone. Many had shared similar experiences, but hadn’t quite put their finger on it - they just knew that something was amiss. I was amazed that just like me, others could recall an exact phrase, behaviour, or at least something from their very first encounter that set their radar abuzz. And guess what? Most, just like me, did not listen to the Warning Label, and, just like me, spent way too much time in unsatisfying relationships.

I realize that no one is perfect - and even the man of your dreams, your Knight in Shining Armour, will have his faults. The Warning Label is not about regular human faults and foibles (i.e. leaving his socks on the living room floor or forgetting to return the toilet seat to its original and intended position). No, the Warning Label goes far beyond that, into the realm of the intolerable, unbearable, and the unlivable.

And so with all of that in mind, I’m seeking other ‘Warning Label’ stories from women of all ages (sorry guys, I know that you have plenty of stories as well - maybe for the follow-up book). I’m looking to label, describe and classify the various ‘Warning Labels’ as well as share anecdotes.

I’m specifically looking for stories about first dates or experiences which occurred early in the relationship when your date or mate warned you either directly (e.g. "I’m hooked on heroin") or indirectly (e.g. he runs off and sticks you with the bill). I also would like to know what you did about it. Did you heed the warning and walk away or, like me, did you ignore it? Was this the downfall of your relationship in the end, or did you find some resolution?

Feel free to share what you have and please note that in submitting your unfortunate dating and relationship tales, you are also consenting to their possible use in my upcoming book. Rest assured that all names and identifying information will be changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent.

Rebecca

Bitch About the Boy

Warning Labels: Let's Hear Your Story